i recently had some $ coming in that i thought was a sure thing, but then it didn’t come through. The hit it had on my psyche has me doing some self evaluating as to why. i’m not a materialistic person at all, at least for the standards of the day. i consider myself detached from things. But with that $ i was going to fix up my body a bit (chiropractors, deep tissue bodywork) & promote my music (as well as it helping with the high cost of just living in the 21st century). So thinking those things were on the table & then having them not has given a deeply felt resentful bitterness as to the nature of money itself. Doctors used to be the holistic healers of their people & were merged with the roles of priest & shaman; Now they are more-so merged with money centric businessmen. But i made this blog for my music & so on that it’s a blatant fact that you can buy your way into a level of access to an audience that’s unattainable if you can’t afford it. Not even talking about the outside promotion & marketing services you can hire on the side but even when you post on Instagram you can buy meta ads that will get it seen more, when you post on Youtube you can do their version of that, Spotify has multiple different campaigns you can run… all for a fee. And now you’re competing with AI garbage & content geared towards capturing attention at any cost as its main purpose. My favorite albums always took multiple listens all the way through before they fully revealed themselves; a far cry from short form videos that exist for the sole purpose of either making you angry or getting a cheap laugh.
The whole thing has me wondering why i keep doing this to myself & what the point of it all is. Why has it always been so important to me that people i don’t know hear the songs i’ve made? It has always felt like the songs that come to me come from somewhere else & i feel a sense of responsibility in getting them heard. But we’re living in such turbulent times that it doesn’t really seem like many people are interested in spending their limited free time listening to introspective music that takes multiple listens to get. Music is really probably at its best when people are living in small communities how we’re intended to & there are shared communal songs sung around a fire. It’s pretty obvious that the music industry (& entertainment industry in general) is essentially a demonic & anti-human, nefarious & exploitative net negative for the world, so it feels a little strange asking for its scraps. But i thought about giving up music after my daughter was born & just couldn't do it. Same as back in elementary school the songs come whether i want them to or not; So i’ll try, even all tired & beat down a bit by this meat grinder of a society, to just compile a body of work even if it collects virtual dust. i’ll trust that sense & feeling of doing what i’m supposed to be doing when i’m working on it. Maybe my children or just the people of tomorrow in general will find something in them that’s worthwhile. Be good to yourSelves the few reading this. They do everything they can to demoralize us & take away our ease. So be easy as you can. That’s what i’m telling mySelf anyways.
<333 Here are some clips i put together recently: